we're all mad here

taken on saturday at the airport. i couldn't concentrate at all.

Saturday
wanted to chill at esplanade, but it was damn crowded due to baybeats. so headed to marina instead. chilled till 11plus, before WW came to find me. Kristy & Moses headed off, and WW brought me on a tour around marina's carpark, finding his bike. That silly ass don't even know where he parked his bike. Found it after half an hour. Headed to his uncle's hse at tpy after tt. And then off home @ 3am. Tired to the max.

Baby's being an ass lor, quarrel with me everytime. But luckily now everything's cool between us again. Hehe. Can't wait for him to book out, i haven't seen him for 6 days already! :(

Today i had a tour from pasir ris-tamp-simei thanks to a cab driver. From my hse to school, 20bucks, inclusive of peak hr charge. But still, daylight robbery pls! But i was too shagged to argue with the cab driver already.

Reached school at 9am. Had 2 hours counselling, and then off for costing for around half an hr? And then back home. Kinda wasted i know, but no choice.

Today's session was really stressful. And im still thinking about it now. Really feel like screaming my lungs out.

Need.to.study.like.NOW.

Happy teacher's day for all teachers out there tmrw!!!!!
xoxo

don't feel like losing you

One of the worst bout of fever. My health's been a turmoil of mess, screwing me up over and over again.. And in a blink of eye, 1 week mc is ending soon. I only have monday left.. No more dreaming, no more living in my own world, it's gonna be back to harsh reality again.

I have a decision to make now. To drop or not to drop. And i've been thinking, i realised i've been wasting my time all along.. I don't know what i've been doing for the past 1 year plus. It's really time to fucking wake up from everything, and look carefully.

Been staying home for the past 5 days, the damn medications make me so fucking drowsy. And mood haven't been good for the past few days. Why am i so fucking stupid? Anyway, didn't really step out of the house, except to meet A for few hours on friday night. I don't really know who i exactly am loving now. And it doesn't really matter to me now. Cus life's too short to worry about relationship matters now.

I miss the girls, haven't seen them ever since tuesday. And i'm sorry to those people whom i said no, when they asked me out. Really wasn't in the mood these few days.. Things are gonna get busy once i return to school.. i really have to buck up already! And meetings with the counsellor/teachers. Sighsxz.

Haven't got the mood to online & talk to people recently. I have people texting me asking me why haven't i been online these few days.. lol. I guess everyone's used to seeing me online everyday without fail, especially on msn.

I miss the silly boy, but whatever that happened between him & me is just a game, something we both agreed on. And now A's back, no more games. Aiyoooooooooooo.

KKie bbaiz.

Sometimes i really hate myself for being so stupid or rather, too 'smart' for my own fucking good. why the fuck do i have to ruin everything myself? it was going on just a little nice..and now it's going nowhere. i fucking fucking regret saying that out, no one can ever imagine how much i'm regretting now. i wish there's a backspace button in life, and i could erase back to a few days ago. i'd happily give up everything, even my life, to go back to a few days ago. :(

Things haven't been going well for me at all lately. I am so fucking stressed and i can't talk to anyone about it. It's getting so bad i cry in the middle of the night again, or i wake up punching my fists against the wall. I find myself awake at 4am, and i can't sleep anymore.

My life is seriously so fucking screwed, i don't think it should be even labeled as a life anymore. I seriously can't think anymore.

I think i must have really been cursed, how could i fall sick like so many times just within 2 months? :( it's killing me seriously. and this is the worst ever. fever at 39deg.. coughing fits, and body aching. and temperature's rising, i know cus i took my temp every few hours. doc gave me 1 week mc again.. but the bad thing is, exam's arriving. :( FML.

I miss the silly silly boy :(((((((

fml.com

I am sick again..having a fever & cough. i've been coughing non stop, it's making me go crazy. I think i need tons of vitamins seriously. :(

I'm all alone at home now, the sky is damn dark, and it's so fucking cold. Blasting the music, talking on phone with silly boy. It's mid 2pm now, and i still have not eaten anything.. Lonely, so lonely.

Been busy these few days.. moses's belated birthday celebration @ punggol marina cc pub yesterday.. am waiting for the pics from lynette. and been meeting this silly boy till the wee hours. it's 4am now, and i just got home. and i have school in a few hours time.. me is tired, but me like. :> i'd rather be busy and deprived of sleep, than being bored and doing nth.

gastric's been a motherfucking bitch lately.. sometimes i wish the gastric will just kill me, and get it over and done with. i miss someone now :> idk why lei, but that silly boy is getting into my heart slowly..

goodnight bbaiz.

fuck you upside down

It's 5Am now, why am i awake at such ungodly hours? well, i haven't slept at all, that's it. I am currently so fucking pissed off i feel like banging the wall, shouting down the whole block, and i don't even fucking care if i wake everyone who's still asleep!

deleted!!!

And i am really fucking stupid sia. I really waited. o.o From now on, i'm not going to wait for you, no. I'm not going to care about you already. Uber angry.

And my nose is so painful now, it hurts whenever i breathe deep/yawn. FML.

I'm not sleepy now, it's 530am. Fuck the irregular sleeping hours. howhowhow. diediedie.

/edit

Been awake for 39 hours and counting. Am trying to see what's my limit.
Baiz.

1+1 doesn't always equals to 2.

Feel so sorry, Baby i'm so sorry
I never meant, I never meant to hurt you.

helluva night, i don't know why i've been so so tired lately. it's like as if i'm on drugs lately, i don't even know what i'm doing lately. and i don't seem to care anymore.. i know this will turn out bad.

Stressed out with a capital S! with several stuffs and events that's coming my way now. Desperately need the Moolahs with a capital M! well well who doesn't need it anyway.

i'm always sleeping at ungodly hours now. i slept at 5am. woke up at 6am when i received text messages. and then i slept till 8am. and woke up when A wanted to go to the doc's to take mc for the rest of the week. But we quarreled over fucking stupid stuffs. and i went back to sleep at 10am...and it's 1pm now. i wish i can have uninterrupted sleep for at least 24 hours. cus ever since last friday, i've been sleeping at the earliest 4am. i feel like i'm a living zombie now.

One major argument makes my whole emotional state turns to jelly, now i'm doubting. i don't know if you're the one for me. i know i'm fickle minded, i know i'm indecisive. i know i know i know.

take me away..take me to your wonderland.

you're the one for me.

I am super duper tired now, i sat infront of the laptop and fell asleep for 1 hr after i reached home. All the way till someone called me. Ah i'm so in love with someone now wtf. Never thought love could be this nice. :>

Kbox today with xian jie & xia mei. HAHAHAH. Sang until we're all crazy, till we're all so tired out. Some kbox guy gave us free drinks & food, he treated us. lol. And adding the foods from the normal student package, enough to stuff our tummyz till can die already.

J's being a pig today, and A's been eating vinegar recently. I'm so tired, my tummy hurtz now. Imma call boy later, i miss him lei :<

love is you and me?

Happy belated National Day people! & Happy Birthday Singapore!!

Slept at 5am today because of A, and woke up at 9am. me is so tired, but i don't mind ♥

someone's a pig seriously, been sleeping for 12 hours already omg.

Twitter is seriously being a bitch now, couldn't update using my laptop. And now, i can't update using phone. It take turns to irritate me >:{

i miss A now. ♥

/edit 8.30pm

i'm so bored now, surfing the world wide web aimlessly! i've been to one and every of my favourite haunts in the www already! and i'm still so bored. :<>

my face lights up and my heart skips a beat whenever i receive his texts nowadays.. i don't know whether he's the right one for me..but i'll just take a risk? someone requested that i spend tomorrow morning with him cus he's going back to camp during the late afternoon. but i've got school, so sad. h8 going to school to the max? i feel like spending the day with him but the parental and advisory units will be bound to nag at me non stop again and again. so i guess i've got no choice :<

im gonna continue texting him naow, so baiz.

booboo

Blogger's been a bitch, and i don't actually have the mood to update much. But i thought i'll just clear the cobwebs, for now..

Met up with Kristy & Lynette at bugis for shisha/chilling session ystd. And Kristy's friend, Eugene also met up with us at haji lane. To our usual destination, merdandy cafe. website's here. Chilling was good, except the new rule of the singapore govt is dampening our mood for shisha. Read about it here. Totally dampened my mood yesterday.

Alcohol, shisha & cigs yesterday. for like 7 hours. Totally a let's get intoxicated session. Daud was also there with his cousins. And Yongliang met us at around 1am plus. Chilled for awhile more, before we left.

Was supposed to go heeren to meet up with A, he was at some thai disco. But i was rather pissed off with him, so i asked J to give me a ride home. His bike was super high, and rather inconvenient for me, cus i was wearing a skirt. But i managed it. it was fun, i like the wind blowing against my hair actually. It was rather fun, that's why i'd always prefer bikes to cars.

And i'm having major gastric today. Cus i stupidly had alcohol on empty stomach yesterday. Feels like i've been on a roller coaster ride recently. Too much to say, yet i can't say it out.

Been avoiding my counsellor and teachers lately, i don't know why too. I feel so...fucked up?

I realised..i'm really afraid to get into another relationship already. I trust too easily, and fall too easily too. Even if i like the guy, i still can't trust him fully. What should i really do?

And it's torturing, waiting for a "1 new message received" from that certain someone. And checking the phone for it. And what's even more torturing is that, "xx new message received" and yet none of it is from the person you actually longed for.

Ehz, i going krazy already lor. Sighsxz. Ok baiz.

i went to school today, merely 2 hours. but still. i went to school. haha. i realised i'm really way far back in my studies already, gotta buck up already. i need tons of motivation and determination now, which i always lack of.

headed to tamp mall after school with hui xian & yong liang. finally bought another hp lanyard. im still waiting for the pink one to be out!!!! pizza hut for lunch. not much appetite, probably because i've been ill these few days..

anyway wo yao tattoo. shall start looking for a tattoo artist now. ok baiz.

i don't know what to do. this situation have been bugging me for several days. i've been really sick these few days, so i have not been thinking about it. but i don't think it can be delayed anymore..

fuck it lahz, you shouldn't have come back at all. i don't care, maybe i'm heartless, maybe i'm cold blooded. but i just don't want you to make my life even more messier than it is now. when you chose to leave, then just leave. don't ever look back.

why must you come back now? you make me feel so lousy about myself, about everything and everyone. can someone tell me what to do? i hate crying.


anyway, just ate my meds. making me so drowsy, about to fall asleep soon. both my sisters are sick now, thanks to me. :/ yeah im a germ spreader now >:o

stay away from me pipolz.

bbaiz.

yanie & me. sometime last week i think. before aa1 exam.


im feeling like marshmallow now, no strength to really do anything. :<
i wanna recover asap pls.
i wanna go out go out go out.

school tmrw again. sick of this stupid routine already lah!!!

baiz.