black & white, there's no grey.

I went to west plaza to buy screen protector for my phone just now, and J & I were chatting. Suddenly, the topic turned to you. And I realised you've been lying to me. You're not in trouble, you've been in singapore all along, at the same fucking place.

J told me everything, every shit. And it turns out that J also don't like your new fucking cheena girlfriend. She only know how to sit there and play games, and get jealous out of nothing. Well, i don't hate her, but i just don't like her. For all that she said to me, when the fucking fact is, I don't love you anymore, and that you still owe me money. The fact that you never told her about it, correct? Fucking $xxx.

You didn't tell her about our past, you tried every way to hide it from her. You made her think that i'm the bad guy, i know it all, but i just didn't say it out, i gave you face.

Everyone said that i'm stupid, even your ex good friend J. Even he thinks that i'm stupid to have believed in you all this time, to even help you. All this time when i was helping you cover, telling people that you're actually not that bad, you were actually so fucking scheming.

It terrifies me to see such a huge change in a person, just within a span of 18 months. I used to think that you were good, that i can't believe i found such a nice guy. And now, i am regretting knowing you, whole-heartedly.

I ever wonder to what extent love makes people blind, and I finally know it. Blind to the state whereby you believed in him, the 'initial' him which you fall for. And no matter how much he change, you'll still think that it's the 'initial' him. Now i know, it's totally bullshit.

Now that i think back, of the times you complained to me about work-related matters. Now i know..all along while you were complaining, you were scheming hard, and trying to make use of me and my friendships with others. Now i know how much of a pokerface you are.

You're just 21 this year, why have you become so scary? The guy that i actually fell for, where has he been? I always thought that J was the 'bad' guy...but now i know. All along that you were afraid i'd get close to J, that you potrayed him to be the bad guy.

I know that I'm not in love with you anymore, and that I don't ever wanna see you again. But that doesn't mean that I'm not hurting.. cus i'm hurting badly.

--

Chalet tmrw, woot. I might be going malaysia tmrw before the chalet...so yeah. I need some alcohol badly, to numb myself from all these redundant pain.

In a mess now. bye.

Kyla - If i were you

If I Were You - Kyla


I look in the mirror, with you in my arms
And I see a reflection
Of a smile that says you believe in love
And just for a moment, I drifted away
But I couldn't stay cuz
A hint of love, a bit of fear
I'm tryin' to say

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz I think my heart has given up
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
Ooh yeah

I'm tryin' to protect you
From the lies that your heart tells
Even though it says that you love me
All I see is pain and misery
Seasons may change
But I can't forget the days of old
My heart ached when you walked away
I said I'd never love again

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz I think my heart has given up
If I were you, I wouldn't be here

The days go by
And I feel that you could make me happy
Time goes on
And I feel that love is at my door
And though I tell myself that you're the one
Who said those words before
Thought it hurts too much
I can't trust in love
Again
Again

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz my heart has given up

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
My heart has given up
Can't be here

If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
Cuz my heart has given up
If I were you, I wouldn't be here
Ooh
I wouldn't, if I were you
I wouldn't be here
Oh oh oh

my new baby

I totally cannot resist this. My new baby...till the next pink phone arrives again. I used before the 1st generation, which is w580. And now this w595!!!. Ah i simply love sony ericsson much much! Was actually considering either this or nokia e63. Well, pink ftw!!!!


-

That's the onlyyyy happy thing that happened to me recently. :(
I didn't go home yesterday, stayed out. And i managed to cough out $xxx for that motherfucker who keeps on threatening me. And the amount of tears i've dropped yesterday can fill up a pond, srsly. Coughing out that amount also means that i'm absolutely penniless, which also means that i can't attend the chalet this coming wed/thurs/fri. I really hate it when stuffs like this cropped out all of a sudden. Was actually looking forward to the chalet! :( x1000

Am gonna search for pink themes & more games for my baby! :D

ttyl.

plane ride to death lane.

i am currently overwhelmed by fucking alot of stuffs. the scenaro's getting stale, i wanna get out of it, like right now. someone, anyone, take me away.....

anyways.

1. shisha @ haji lane on thursday

2. slept for 1.5 hrs on thursday, lack of sleep x100

3. court at 9am.

4. waited for fucking long hours....nearly died.

5. 2 gays shaking asses and squeezing boobies for more cleavage

6. tikopeks x10

7. kfc / china slut, totally grossed out

8. home, slept for 1.5 hrs

9. went out, slacked at compass point.

10. puffing my life away, i ought to die faster.

i need help.....but who will be there to help me actually..

speaking in short sentences. if you understand, cheers to you. if you don't, then too bad.

i need an escape route, i'm already half way dead actually. i truly need an escape route before i fall dead. in. front. of. every.one.else.

ok.bye.bye.

fantasy vs reality

I couldn't get to sleep yesterday, and ended up sleeping at 5am! I was like wide awake all the way. And around 12am, my sisters & i were damn hungry, i cooked instant prata for all of us. The 3 of us, sharing the last 4 instant pratas. Pathetic much, lol.

And since i couldn't sleep, i went online, chatted with wolf(s), and played harvest moon! Am so fucking addicted to Harvest moon (PC) lah, i actually played it from 2am till 5am. I'm surprised the laptop didn't explode, cus apparently it was on from 7am all the way till 5am!

I'm thinking and worrying about tmrw. I really must sleep early today, cus i've got to wake up at friggin 7am tmrw again. I've got an important appointment at Jurong East at 10am!!! Must think of ways to sleep early.sleep early.early.early.

Anyway, i was fiddling with my cbox just now, and turns out that i actually have 5 different tagboards using the same email!!! And i checked out the oldest tagboard, year 2005. I read all the conversations, it was friggin funny can, at least to me!

http://www.cbox.ws/box/index.php?boxid=445034&boxtag=7023&sec=archive&i=91

yes that's the link. i can't believe i used to type like that, so ___(fill in the blanks!)___!!!! and i absolutely can't rmb who the 'darling donkey' was. and judging from my words, im supposed to be very close with him, and met up with him on several occasions y'know! and to think now i absolutely have no memory of him. i don't know whether to laugh or cry lol.

anyway im so bored now, my mind is in a blank now. i received the bills again. and i chose not to open it yet. cus i don't wanna face it anymore. it's making me goddamn tired now. can i just run away? i seriously feel like running away, and not coming back!

i chose to turn away, i chose to clam up, just like a shell. don't force me to say anything, tyvm. i've been living in my own world recently, not trying very hard to keep in touch with the outside world, just alone by myself. i apologise if i haven't been replying text messages from you guys. cus i don't have the habit of replying immediately anymore. sorry people.

-

The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face

i'm so tired today, i don't know why too. my eyes were so tired until i couldn't see colours on the hexchart clearly just now. so anyway, i finally bought a pack of cigs today, and i feel contented already hahahaha.

to digress a little, 20 weeks ago, i was so damn depressed and apparently down in the dumps. and now, 20 weeks later, i do feel a little happier. :)

wednesday's an important day for me, i hope everything goes smoothly. -prays hard-

anyway, tmrw someone's gonna deliver burger king to me!!! i am so fucking addicted to bk's taro pie. i absofuckinglutely loveeeee taro pie, hehehehexz.

i haven't been seeing them for one week already, lucky there's the upcoming chalet. and i'll be seeing ciyun that lzb too, woo.

oh yeah, i seriously wish that friday will not arrive at all. :( i don't wanna go court, it feels sucky. but oh wells, this will be a first experience for me.

idk what to blog already, today's a goddamn boring day pls. bye.

-

Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me

i know, like finally.

I'm back..and no, i'm not dead yet. Just coughing like there's no tmrw and all. I know i said 842348975 times that i hate coughs, and yes i'm gonna say it again. I hate motherfucking coughs alot, i hate how it's keeping me awake at nights, period.

Yesterday i wanted to post pictures of the night tour, yes i know like finally, after 1 week. But blogger was being such a nigger, doesn't allow me to sign in at all! And thus i delayed again. But i'm getting sick of my posts without pictures, so yeah.

Here it is. I purposely put it into a collage cus i look horrendous in those pictures.

Enjoy.

Everyone was like listening to the tour guide, and looking at the food factories, whereas we were lagging behind them, taking pictures, non-stop. We're sucha camwhores, i know, but it's a once in a lifetime chance you know. We seldom get to go out in such a large group, sad right.

Okay yes, there's pictures of me acting as a ghost. It's friggin horrendous, i can't believe i actually posed for them. And bottom left, hongyuan and lina! hahaha they looked funny right. Actually i have a few more pictures of them posing. :/

Some pictures are gonna go up on my "wall of love" soon. As soon as i get my ass to the photo shop to print out. Yes, very soon i believe.

And lastly, camwhore pictures again. Some taken outside mustafa with lina, and the rest, on the bus with cx. We were going crazy on the bus, i believe.

--

I love the night tour seriously. It's rare that we get to go out as a class with mrs k, and take tons of pictures too. Actually i have pictures of mrs k and the rest being 'aunty' at the market, buying groceries and fishes! Maybe another day i'll post it up, cus i'm lazy to upload from my phone! Haha.

Wtf i blogged halfway, and then wireless network connection is low?! Effff starhub seriously. I hate lousy connections, i absolutely cannot stand lousy connections!!!!!

Anyway i've been a maid without pay these days. For instance, today, i've mopped the entire house, iron the clothes, and washed the toilet, and sort out the clothes. Yes, in just a few hours. Spell free labour. Grrr.

I needdddddd a puffffff. :( 9 days. I've been sick for 9 friggin days, and have not stepped out of the house at all for 9 days. And have not smoked for 9 days. Maybe i can quit smoking through this. Hmmm.

And i have like alot of breakouts on my face now. It's like a rocky road now, i hate it, fucking hate it. Makes me don't wanna go out at all ughhhh.

I'm currently addicted to this hongkong drama which is like goddamn nice! It's called E.U! I seriously love hongkong police drama. It's my all time favourite!!!!! E.U is actually the part 3 version of "The Academy" & "On the first beat". The Academy was shown on Channel U previously.

Okay i know i sound like i'm advertising for them. But it's fucking addictive seriously. I finished 10 episodes in 1 day you know. Woohoo. I'm waiting for hk tvb to finish airing it, so that i can watch. I'm currently waiting for ep 25!! And there's only 30 eps. :(

Gotta find new love, new love.

I'm gonna find something to do now, i'm so friggin bored. Bye.

stay hidden...

i've been thinking if i should blog today anot..but since boredom is killing me, i might as well blog out my boring day, and bore everyone else to death. hahahaha.

and yes i am still waiting for that smelly chelsa to upload the pictures, she said she will, and then keep delay again. smelly chelsa. woo.

i keep craving for chocolates recently, especially since i've not been smoking. oh man, staying at home is making me go crazy. i've not stepped out of the house ever since saturday! and it's like, 5 friggin days already!! i'm actually quite surprised at myself lol. i'm turning into a tortoise already ahhhhh!!!

my self esteem's getting lower & lower already.. ah that's sad :(

Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless...

i'm so bored at home recently!!! i've been sick ever since the night tour ended and my voice's still not back yet. i hate coughs the most, seriously. :(

and i'm still waiting for Chelsa to upload the night tour's pictures, she keeps procastinating she should just go bang the wall, hahahahha.

i miss the girls, i hope i'll be able to see them soon. i'm sorry for not meeting them these few days, hope that they are not pissed off with me. blahhhhh.

okay i just took my meds and am getting drowsy now. i need moreeee storybooks please. i'm craving for nice stories to immense myself with.

been kinda stressed thinking of some stuffs, and i reckon it's gonna make me crazy soon.

i need to take a puff badly, but i don't have any cigs with me. i haven't smoke since saturday. i think my lungs will really die if i continue to smoke while i'm sick like this, so it's better to cease smoking.

im actually imagining myself taking a puff now.

i need to sleep now, bye.

happy pills.

Woo i'm back from the night tour already. It's 8am now, and i'm still not feeling sleepy yet. Although it was just a tour around some places of Singapore, it was really fun and i enjoyed myself. We took damn lots of pictures, especially Qb, compared to other classes. We're total camwhores, hahahah.

Am waiting for people to come online, wake up and send me the pictures! And chelsa's uploading into facebook too. It's like 8am, i doubt there'll be anyone online yet, i mean those who went for the night tour. I think i'm the only crazy one, lol.

Im watching my hana yori dango korea now. And blowing my nose non stop. It feels so irritating y'know.

On a random thought, i think that it'll be nice to have more night tours. Hahahha, but not of the same places, but more of the "scary" places of interest, like the cemetry at lim chu kang, old changi hospital etc yada. It'll be friggin cool, yes!?

Okay i'm beginning to feel slightly tired, but i'm gonna finish my eps first. Update more when i get the pics. Till then, ciao.

it's the goddamn holidays..

and i don't know why i'm so restless and sian these days. i think my favourite pet phrase is "i don't know." hahahahha

there's gonna be the night tour later, suddenly don't feel like going, i don't know why. lol

I'm so goddamn tired now, i need more sleep. today i'm so l-a-z-y to do anything or get anything done at all, just feel like lying on my bed all day. yes, sounds like a p-i-g i know. but i don't care anymore already. i just don't have the m-o-o-d to do anything, loser.

it's the friggin h-0-l-i-d-a-y already you know. it finally arrived, there's no more need to go back to that goddamn s-c-h-o-o-l for at least 3 weeks, except for today. wee.

bye.

the one

I'm supposed to stay at home the whole day and study for bfs. But in the end, i was online the whole damn day and didn't even touch the friggin book at all. I so am gonna fail, but can't complain at all. Siansxz.

I seriously can't wait for exams to be over. It's only one more friggin day, and i won't have to step into that stupid school for at least 3 weeks! It's better than nothing seriously. I'll goddamn treasure all the breaks I can get.

Anyway i'm currently watching Hana Yori Dango Korea! It's actually meteor garden, the one with F4 inside! I've watched the taiwan & japan version, and now the korea one! The guys are so goddamn cute in it, omg totally can't resist!!!

I feel that something's changing, and things aren't the same anymore. I'll just wait around and see then.

Tmrw's exam at 0830am, so friggin early! Gotta wake up damn early again, sighsxz.

Hello i know,

Yes i'm too fickle-minded, i switched blog site again and again. Xanga's still in use though. Just felt like changing, so i did. I hope i will stay here long, sigh.

Anyway, had my iac exam today. I was seriously panicking the night before, and on the day itself. Went to school 2 hours earlier, wanted to revise. But i panicked and got confused even more. And i gave up on my nto question just now. Seriously don't know how to do at all.

Dined with them at CenturySq after exam, and then trained home. One more exam left, BFS! Can't friggin wait for it to be over, srsly. I'm like in the holiday mood, actually i'm always in the holiday mood hahahaha!

I think a pig is angry at me. Die liao lorsxz.

Sibei bored. Bye.